Monday, July 12, 2010

Challenges of boys


For the past three weeks we have been going to swim lessons in the morning for a half hour and the boys have loved it but Alex has taken to goofing off more than swimming. Yes, he is the youngest, and I think he is beginning to realize what that role has been traditionally known as. For instance, he has now taken to talking in a language only Nate can translate. It is sort of a baby voice and a winning voice. He has also become accustom to not going to bed a night but rather playing in his room. Which is fine except for that he has mastered the art of puppy dog eyes that say cuddle me in the chair then I will go to sleep. Now who would pass up a cuddle in a chair for I know that their time wanting this is limited but every night? Seriously.
I am finding myself cherishing these moments even more with Jacob as he is going to be starting kindergarten in about one month and I know he is going to not be with John and I as much. He is going to be gone ALL DAY. One part of my mothering role is so excited for this and the other is a little scared. Will he know not to talk to strangers? Will he get pushed around on the playground? Will he have lot of friends? All these questions and I can only hope that John and I have placed in him good decision making and good morals to get him thru the next year at school.
Last week I was driving in the car with the boys and Jacob asked my "Mom who is God? What does he look like? Where does he live?" Such big questions from a 5 year old. Then he says to me "mom do you think we could go to the book store and get a book about God?" I told him that we could and I told him that the greatest thing about God is that he loves you even when you make bad choices and That really hit Jacob hard. John and I have been working on teaching Jacob to make good choices. He is having a hard time learning this but I think again, it is one of those lessons that is hard now but will be bountiful later. So later that night as John and I were on our way to a BBQ we stopped at the Christian bookstore. Now let me start by telling you that I can not go into this store without coming out with way more than I had intend to get. So I found a book on questions kids ask about God and thumbed thru it and decided it would help us in our question and answer sessions, (which always seem to be in the car).


In addition to that book I got "The Five Love Languages of Children."
After the boys were in bed that night I read the entire book. It was easy to read and really made me think of how to best love my children so that they feel loved.
He is a combination. He is quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch. He loves to have time with John and I one on one. We have started taking him out with just one of us and him without his brothers. He often chooses a restaurant dinner as he calls it or swimming with one of us. We try and do this a few times a month. He also thrives on words of affirmation. He loves for us to tell him he is having good behavior or is doing something well. At swimming you can often find him peeking over the side of the pool to give me a thumbs up. This is his way of one making sure I am watching him but to also be sure that I am showing him love be one thumb and he know he has my approval. At any given point thru the day one could find Jacob coming up to John or I giving us a hug and saying "I love you, you are the best." He loves to have snuggles at night and I have to remind myself just as the book says I have to just take five minutes out of what I am doing and show him the affection he needs and his love tank will be full.
This little tow head is for sure quality time and physical touch which go hand in hand. He loves to be the one to sit right next to me when watching TV and he loves to read a story at night before bed and then he needs 3 kisses and 3 snuggles because he is three yours old. This is for sure my sensitive one. Just the other day we had a huge wind storm and the toys were blowing in the back yard. He started crying hysterically and was so scared that his house would blow away. Then John went out to pick things up and he was terrified that his dad was gonna be gone. We have to be very careful how we talk to him because if you raise your voice he will think you are yelling at him (so imagine when I really am yelling at him what this does to him.. not pretty.) I often find him saying "mom I am gonna have very good behavior" he truly tries to do good. He love to go to Church with me and will often tell his brother "you don't go to church with mom only I do"
He is also physical touch. He loves to snuggle as well but he is always wanting to be held and wants to be the closest to John or I . He would rather sit on the side of the pool close to me than go in. I think he has gotten it a bit sooner that quality time with mom or dad has to come at any cost. just as he knows that at night the other brothers are in bed and he can pull the puppy eyes and he will get a 20 min snuggle with mom or dad. Yes he has us wrapped around his finger where he wants us but again take advantage of this time cause it does not last for long.
I am glad I got this book and read it. I think that it has some good points that all kids are different even if raised by the same parents and that a child may not be one specific type but a combination and that could change over time. If you have time this is a quick read and is worth it.
Next on my list to read is "How to tame your superhero" Will post review when I read it.

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